1. Those tube like dresses women wear in the summer that are only held up by the tight elastic band under their arms that goes over their boobs, squeezing said boobies at the top so that they become deformed and look all National Geographicy.
2. Delicious Apples
3. The words "Thirst" and "Quench"
4. Nazis
...
Let's talk about Delicious apples for a second.
So today I went to the market because I forgot my lunch when I rushed out the door this morning. It being Friday, I decided to just have something small. In the produce section there were several piles of apples, each pile being labeled: Delicious, Granny Smith, Gala. It is important to note here that there was the GREEN BUFFER of Granny Smith between the other two.
Now I usually go for Honeycrisp, but I'll take Gala in a pinch. After looking over several I settled on one. It was slightly darker, but nice and roundy. I left the establishment and initiated consumption of the fruit.
At the first bite my reaction mirrored that of a Laurence Fishburne in Event Horizon when he was suddenly given a mental flash of the realm of torture and chaos. Someone… SOMEONE had put a Delicious apple on the Gala pile. Some rat bastard tricked me into spending MONEY for this trash. I literally had a Planet of The Apes moment.
You see, Delicious Apples are proof that fruit can hate you. Had the fruit of the Knowledge of Good and Evil been a Delicious Apple, Eve would never have touched it. For those of you who have kids, you know how when a diaper gets SUPER saturated it starts to disintegrate into what looks like mushy piles of tiny rice bits? Yeah, biting into a Delicious Apple is what I would imagine biting into one of those diapers would be like. It's the apple that Hitler and Osama bin Laden liked. If I were Commander in Chief, I would order air strikes upon every orchard of Delicious apples on the planet.
Screw these things. They are worth to be fed to pigs, nothing more.
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| This is fruit's middle finger to the world |
