Your Parents Lied to You

Part of growing up for most every child is coming to grips with a fear of the dark, monsters in the closet/under the bed, etc. Classic children's stories (aka 'good ones') have quite a few beasts who creep and slither about doing mischief. Parents are quick to tell their children that there is no such think as a 'monster', and some I've talked to try to shield even older children from stories such as these.

The thing is, children don't usually believe the whole 'monsters don't exist' line.

STORY TIME!

At my job I have a friend who transferred to IT after leaving the police force. His young son was having trouble going to bed as he was convinced that there was a monster in his closet.

My friend took a VERY unique approach to the problem. Instead of spending night after night trying to reassure him, he instead took his son to Walmart that weekend and went to the sporting goods section. He looked around for the oldest guy working there he could find, walked up with his son and explained to the employee that his son was pretty sure there was a monster in his closet and so, obviously, he needed a gun that was meant for stopping monsters.

Taking the hint, the elderly gentleman escorted him to where those cheap, ultra low power electric airsoft pistols are and proceeded to tell his son briefly about the monster killing qualities of each one. My friend allowed the boy to pick one out, a transparent plastic clone of a Beretta 92FS, and some ‘monster killing’ red bbs.

After some basic instruction, my friend showed his son how to operate the pistol that evening and even made a bedside holster out of cardboard for him. His son has since overcome his fear of a monster in the closet.

G. K. Chesterton remarked on this subject: "Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten."

In a roundabout way, that’s what my friend did too.

I bring all this up because of an article I saw this morning:

4 charged in Detroit triple murder; police say victims stabbed, tortured, housetorched

Monsters can look like normal, everyday people

“The nature of the wounds were horrific, all three victims were stabbed multiple times ... In addition, the fire had been obviously set to cover up what turned out to be a brutal murder in an attempt to destroy potential evidence,” Woody said in a news release.

You can read the rest there, if you can stomach it. For me it brought to mind these lines from Beowulf:

WENT he [Grendel] forth to find at fall of nigh

that haughty house, and heed wherever
the Ring-Danes, outrevelled, to rest had gone.
Found within it the atheling band
asleep after feasting and fearless of sorrow,
of human hardship. Unhallowed wight,
grim and greedy, he grasped betimes,
wrathful, reckless, from resting-places,
thirty of the thanes, and thence he rushed
fain of his fell spoil, faring homeward,
laden with slaughter, his lair to seek.

Simply put: for most of you, your parents lied to you. Yes there are monsters in the world. Do not fear, but be vigilant and be prepared.

And get yourself a monster killing gun.