From Zero to 'Full Retard' in a Few Paragraphs

So, the same apologist I was harping on last post now has a new topic up. It seems that the US Government has 'CONPLAN 8888' out there. This is a plan for how to deal with... A ZOMBIE OUTBREAK!

Yeah, it actually exists. The apologist then goes on to say how this shows we live in an insane world of fear and how terrible this all is. His fan boys then stroke their chins and nod sagely in the comments section at how bad this shows our 'culture of fear' to be.

Now, me being me, I actually did something TOTALLY original: I actually read the linked article, then I went and looked for the report in question. You can read it HERE. It's actually pretty interesting.

Here's the thing: No, they don't actually expect ACTUAL zombies to show up. From the document itself:

"Because the plan was so ridiculous, our students not only enjoyed the lessons; they actually were able to explore the basic concepts of plan and order development (fact, assumptions, specified and implied tasks, references etc) very effectively.

We posted this plan because we feel it is a very enjoyable way to train new planners and boost retention of critical knowledge."

In short, this was an unconventional tool used to teach primary disaster handling skills in a way that boosted retention of those skills.

If you want to take it out of a military context, think of this: Let's say you are trying to teach a class of medics certain principles (rather boring principles) about triage, mass casualties and natural disaster prep. You could stage a training plan based on, say, a large earthquake hitting a major metropolitan area.

OR...

You could draw up a plan of GODZILLA ATTACKING THE CITY!!!

 "Sup?"

The same principles come into play, but you now have a very engaging topic that holds interest and helps retain the learning.

This guy is what happens when you start taking yourself WAY too seriously. It's also what happens when you're too stupid to bother fact checking.

Proof That I Must Hate The Homeless!

So a couple of blogs that I read have been passing this article around:

Italian city to fine people giving food to the homeless

A rather prominent apologist links to the article, warning darkly that the city government should remember the parable of the sheep and the goats. There is the usual string of comments, decrying how evil it is to be denying food and shelter to those in need. How the mayor must by a fascist, etc.

I read through the blog comments first. I then read the linked article. I then did a bit more online research on this story. My bullshit detector then promptly spiked to 11.

Give the linked blurb a quick read and come back. To summarize, a law was passed that attaches a fine to giving stuff to panhandlers in the certain areas of the city. This is decried by most in the comment sections as being hateful of the poor. The mayor claims it’s being done due to health reasons.

Now, I don’t read Italian, so I have to rely on a couple of other articles in English on the subject. The first thing you find out is that almost every article is a quasi hit piece on the mayor who, I found through research, is now approaching reelection. That instantly raises my suspicion. It doesn’t mean the article is false, but it means you should tread carefully when coming to any conclusions.

The articles also give the impression, though they don’t state it directly, that now the poor will have no one to help them, and they will probably start to starve in droves like in some Dickensian hell-scape that resembles the snap shots they use in the commercials for African relief charities. (“for the price of a cup of coffee…”)

Is this really the case? Verona seems to have homeless shelters, food banks, and numerous other charities available, and no sign that they will be made illegal, at least according to what I could find in English on Google.

So what could all this be about if it’s not about the mayor’s (implied) burning hatred of the poor? What we do know is the following.

There are about 20 homeless that are mentioned that are living on and defecating on the main city plaza. We also know that at least one charity organization uses the plaza to hand out freebies regularly. The mayor is not saying it is illegal to give handouts to panhandlers there.

That’s about all we know for certain. But we can figure a bit more out with common sense.

First, the homeless and the panhandlers are not stupid. They will go will the free stuff is. The guy claiming that he isn’t encouraging the people to show up is, at best, naïve.

Second, if groups of people are pissing and shitting in the public parks and streets on the plaza of a town that depends a lot on tourism, that’s not exactly a good thing. If I start going to the park near my building a taking dumps in the grass by the swing sets, is it ‘fascist’ for the cops to throw me out?

Third, people don’t seem to understand how storefront business works. If you get a bunch of homeless and panhandlers on a block, local businesses will start suffering because of that. People, particularly women with children, do not want to have to wade through aggressive panhandlers, or step over human feces, just to get to your business.

To illustrate the point imagine I show up in front of your house (assuming you live in an urban area) and announce that I will be giving out free food and even cash handouts to homeless and panhandlers who show up. Within a few days of activity, I will have a good sized group parking themselves around, and in most cases, on, your lawn. If you try to put a stop to this or even get the police involved, especially when there are other places that cater to the needs of the needy, does that mean you hate the poor?

An important thing we are not told: What do the regular citizens of Verona think about this ordinance, particularly those who live and work around the square? Perhaps withholding judgement until we know more would be better.

Your Parents Lied to You

Part of growing up for most every child is coming to grips with a fear of the dark, monsters in the closet/under the bed, etc. Classic children's stories (aka 'good ones') have quite a few beasts who creep and slither about doing mischief. Parents are quick to tell their children that there is no such think as a 'monster', and some I've talked to try to shield even older children from stories such as these.

The thing is, children don't usually believe the whole 'monsters don't exist' line.

STORY TIME!

At my job I have a friend who transferred to IT after leaving the police force. His young son was having trouble going to bed as he was convinced that there was a monster in his closet.

My friend took a VERY unique approach to the problem. Instead of spending night after night trying to reassure him, he instead took his son to Walmart that weekend and went to the sporting goods section. He looked around for the oldest guy working there he could find, walked up with his son and explained to the employee that his son was pretty sure there was a monster in his closet and so, obviously, he needed a gun that was meant for stopping monsters.

Taking the hint, the elderly gentleman escorted him to where those cheap, ultra low power electric airsoft pistols are and proceeded to tell his son briefly about the monster killing qualities of each one. My friend allowed the boy to pick one out, a transparent plastic clone of a Beretta 92FS, and some ‘monster killing’ red bbs.

After some basic instruction, my friend showed his son how to operate the pistol that evening and even made a bedside holster out of cardboard for him. His son has since overcome his fear of a monster in the closet.

G. K. Chesterton remarked on this subject: "Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten."

In a roundabout way, that’s what my friend did too.

I bring all this up because of an article I saw this morning:

4 charged in Detroit triple murder; police say victims stabbed, tortured, housetorched

Monsters can look like normal, everyday people

“The nature of the wounds were horrific, all three victims were stabbed multiple times ... In addition, the fire had been obviously set to cover up what turned out to be a brutal murder in an attempt to destroy potential evidence,” Woody said in a news release.

You can read the rest there, if you can stomach it. For me it brought to mind these lines from Beowulf:

WENT he [Grendel] forth to find at fall of nigh

that haughty house, and heed wherever
the Ring-Danes, outrevelled, to rest had gone.
Found within it the atheling band
asleep after feasting and fearless of sorrow,
of human hardship. Unhallowed wight,
grim and greedy, he grasped betimes,
wrathful, reckless, from resting-places,
thirty of the thanes, and thence he rushed
fain of his fell spoil, faring homeward,
laden with slaughter, his lair to seek.

Simply put: for most of you, your parents lied to you. Yes there are monsters in the world. Do not fear, but be vigilant and be prepared.

And get yourself a monster killing gun.