Today, we have a critique of an attempted parody song that's been making the rounds. I say 'attempt', because it ends up saying more about the song writer than the topic it's meant to be addressing.
The Song
A Scary Time For Boys - Lynzy Lab
What People Think It's About
Well, I guess it's supposed to be about how difficult it is to be an attractive blond woman in the United States.
What It's Really About
The singer's laundry list of personal insecurities and ongoing battle with paranoia.
Let's just go down the lyrics.
"I can't walk to my car late at night on the phone..."
- You should never be doing this. Ever. This is stupid. I don't care if you're a woman or a man. You're in a transitional space and being WILLFULLY distracted. That's where many attacks happen to ANY victim. You could also get splattered by a car you didn't see and walked out in front of, or faceplant on the curb because you didn't pay attention to your surroundings.
"I can't open up my windows when I'm home all alone..."
- Where the hell do you live, Afghanistan? If you live in an area where people who open their windows are assured of being attacked, then fucking MOVE. Otherwise, you're being paranoid and perhaps need medication.
"I can't go to the bar without a chaperone..."
- What bars are you going to? Again, is this Bangladesh or India? Is the bar known for being the hang out of of a biker gang? Are you perhaps too dumb to go out in public by yourself in general? I mean, that would explain a lot. We've already established that you wander around intentionally oblivious to your surroundings, so maybe you're just dumb?
"I can't wear a mini skirt if it's the only one I own"
- I'm not sure what this means. Are you saying you have to own more than one mini skirt to wear one, or all you own is a mini skirt? Or are you saying that you're getting eyes and attention by wearing clothing that's, well, kinda designed specifically to do that? I mean I can't actually believe you don't know that. I don't see fit, ripped guys wearing tight t-shirts complaining 'Ugh, women are slyly looking me up and down and making me uncomfortable, ugh, they're so insensitive.'
"I can't use public transportation after 7pm..."
- Do your buses and trains shut down at 7 or something? I think this may be due to how she wants to wander around with her mind totally detached from what's going on around her as opposed to anything else. I mean I once was having an in depth conversation with a guy on the bus and missed my stop, so you actually DO need to pay attention at times, which I'm guessing she doesn't like doing. But if you're genuinely avoiding the bus after a certain time because people on there get attacked all the time after that time, then you need to probably move. Or, maybe you need that medication we talked about earlier?
"I can't be brutally honest when you slide into my DMs..."
- I had to look this up, because I haven't been 'cool' in a long time. It's something about direct messaging someone in social media with the hope of getting a booty call, I guess? Why wouldn't you be honest? I'm actually seeing a trend here. A lot of these are not "I can't" really, it's more of a "I don't have the fortitude to do this." This is a laundry list that is saying way more about YOU than anything else.
"I can't go to the clubs just to dance with my friends..."
- Yeah you can. If you lack the conviction or fortitude to tell unwanted attention that you're not interested, then go to a dyke bar. You won't have any men hit on you there. Problem solved. Right now you're getting yourself all dolled up and going to a place that, culturally, is designed specifically to facilitate meeting members of the opposite sex (why do you think 'Ladies drink free!' and "Ladies Night!" exist?) and complaining that members of the opposite sex try to awkwardly try to get to know you. That's like me going to a cigar shop and complaining that there's smoke in the air.
"I can't ever leave my drink unattended..."
- Again, that's just stupid. Why would you order an EXPENSIVE drink at a bar, where individual drinks cost as much a six pack in the store, and just LEAVE it there? I did that once. I came back, and it was gone. The waitress apparently thought I had left and disposed of it. Again, we see the theme that she shouldn't have to pay attention to anything.
"... and any woman you've assaulted could turn up anytime..."
- See, this is why I always wrap my victims in chicken wire, weight with stones and toss them in the river. Nobody's showing back up from that. But seriously, the fear is that having done nothing, you still get smeared. That's really the genuine fear. If you DO do something like that, then yeah, you should be afraid that your victim would come after you. Or their brothers or father. The easy way around this for guys is a two step approach. First, DON'T HANG OUT ALONE WITH MENTALLY UNBALANCED AND/OR PARANOID WOMEN. EVER. AT ALL. Also, in professional settings, always follow the Mike Pence rule. Third, don't go home, or even date, women you pick up in a dance club or bar. There are exceptions, but for the most part, they are NOT wife/partner material.
 |
| An example of what a mentally unbalanced, crazy woman might look like. |
- No man should behave this way. She won't respect you and, if you don't look at her in the eyes, you can't tell if she has CRAZY EYES. I can't tell how important that last point is. (Again, reference photo directly above).
"...it's so confusing, is it rape or just being nice..."
- Well, before you modern women went insane, that wasn't a problem. Because in fairness, when you have people complaining that getting a compliment about how you 'look beautiful' is the equivalent of sexual assault, I can't blame them if some people wonder if genuinely just being nice can get them into trouble.
"...I can't live in an apartment if it's on the first floor..."
- OK, here we're getting close to confirmation that you have a genuine paranoid mental issue. If you live in a location where it's literally too dangerous to live on the ground floor, then you live in a location where it's too dangerous to live on ANY of the floors. Perhaps if you live in the wonderfully Democrat controlled inner city of Baltimore this would be understandable, but by the look of you and the surroundings in your video, that doesn't seem likely. Have you perhaps considered Risperidone or Clozapine?
"...I can't be wearing silk pajamas when I answer the door..."
- See, here is another conflicting statement. It's just too brutally dangerous to live in a first floor apartment in your area, but in the SAME area, you will just open your door for a random stranger? How retarded is that? That's pretty retarded. If you have a stranger knocking on your door on an upper floor in an apartment building, that's a weird situation, as the main entrance to the stairs is usually controlled access. I wouldn't do that either, and I don't own anything that's silk.
Oh, I have heard some good things about Olanzapine! Tried that?
"...I can't have another drink even if I want more..."
- OMG I totally can't drink myself senseless around strangers! To make that statement is to show yourself to be an idiot. I wouldn't do that either, and I probably outweigh your bony ass by 100 pounds and I know how to take care of myself. But notice one thing: she already mentions, by inference, that she doesn't go to bars or clubs alone and goes with friends or a 'chaperone'. What you're saying here is that you can't even trust you friends or your designated chaperone. That just tells me you have shitty friends. Or, again, you're suffering from paranoia.
"...I can't make you feel invalid..."
- I... I don't know what that means.
"... I can't jog around the city with headphones on my ears..."
- Again with the total lack of responsibility. I'm sensing the trend.
"... I can't speak out against my rapist after 35 years... "
- Oh you can speak out, but don't expect to get far if you remember nothing about the event that can be verified, people you claim were with you either don't recall or contradict you, etc. You should do it right away. Or better yet, shoot or stab the person attempting it. (sexual assault is considered a lethal attack for purposes of self defense law). You're a 'strong, independent woman', right? Act like it.
"...I can't be taken seriously if I'm holding back tears..."
- Opposite, actually. Every woman out there knows that her super power is to cry, or 'try to hold back tears'. I'm not even going to bother defending that position because every one of you knows it to be true. Now, as a man, I won't be taken seriously if I start weeping when arguing with someone. Which is exactly how it should be.
"...And I can't even speak earnestly about all these fears..."
- If your fears are irrational, which I think we're all starting to see is the case, then yeah, you shouldn't. Meds above should help with that.
"...Can't text a girl repeatedly asking for nudes..."
- Here I can't help but comment: I very much doubt, based entirely on your video appearance here, that you actually have this problem. Ok, with that out of the way, the first time you have someone do that, you should act the same way if you get a MLM business spam text, block them at once and be done. It's not that difficult. or have your 'chaperone' do if for you if you just don't have the fortitude to do it.
"...boys have always had a choice..."
- This is indeed true. And it's time men exercise that choice and DON'T associate with people like this. They are angry at the world and not worth chasing. Spend your younger years NOT dating or trying to get laid. Go do you own thing, establish yourself, work to be successful, DON'T RUSH IT, and you'll find worthwhile women come out of the woodwork.
Worked for me. It can work for you.
Thanks for the laugh.
ReplyDelete