Here's the thing about a conspiracy theory: It's intoxicating. It's exciting! It adds danger to your life! It answers a need your mind has to have a concrete reason for everything that goes wrong in the world instead of accepting that sometimes, just sometimes, bad things just happen. Did the plot to kill Archduke Franz Ferdinand finally succeed because of the purely random act of the assassin stopping to buy a sandwich from a cafe first instead of just going directly home, or, was it a plot by the European deli meat industry which, as we all know, is controlled by the FREEMASONS!!!?? (See? You got a little tingle when you read that, didn't you? Don't lie.)
I think this last one is most important for the particular person I mentioned, for reasons that I won't go into.
So, please excuse the swerve into strange territory for now. We'll be back to the more interesting stuff next time.
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Just one page.
It boggles my mind how so much baffling bullshit can be thrown out on one page.
Wait, let's start earlier.
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| FEAR EVERYTHING!!!! |
OK, so there is this book called "Behold a Pale Horse" by William Cooper. The book is pretty much a compendium of every single conspiracy theory you've ever heard of, and a dozen or so you haven't, at least all that were around in 1991 when it was written. Seriously. The only ones I couldn't find were Reptilians (which I think only started to be promoted in the late 2000s so it's pretty obvious why it's not in there) and Bigfoot. I guess the Freemasons didn't trust hairy people. Bastards!
Anyway, Cooper shows, by the overwhelming use of carefully picked, credible sources that... ok, sorry I was trying to be funny there, but I can't even finish that sentence. He mentions a lot of quotes by other conspiracy theorists who, in turn, either reference other conspiracy theorists or are making the statements themselves. His other favorite sources are all those that, when used in any high school or college paper, would get you an automatic "F": those paragons of knowledge "they", "other researchers", "many experts", etc.
Several things you need to know before we go further:
First, conspiracy nuts are HUGE on numerical symbols. Dates, when added together, add up to special numbers: 13 days, 666 hours, etc. The importance of things happening on specific dates is critical to them, because it MUST be critical to the Freemasons, or the Illuminati, or what have you. They never do anything on a date that doesn't have some historical significance, or so Cooper at least believes. The dates of all big events must be numerical sums of other critical dates and numbers, like on the sixth day of the sixth month, six years after some other event, etc. You get the idea. Remember this, it's REALLY important.
Second, conspiracy nuts are usually pretty stupid when it comes to simple, easily verified facts that aren't subject to conspiracy. For example, why a certain person was elected to a government position might be part of some VAST conspiracy, but the boiling point of salt water at sea level isn't controlled by a 'conspiracy', it's just a fact.
Third, Cooper, while verifiably having served in the Navy, claims to have seen an ENORMOUS number of random Top Secret documents (I guess the Illuminati just left them lying around like my kids do with legos), but his service papers, which he puts in his book to boast his credibility, make no mention of him having that kind of clearance at all.
Now we can pick up where we originally started.
I downloaded this "Behold a Pale Horse" in free pdf format, because to hell with actually paying money for it. Skimming through the book you get the feeling that Cooper is the kind of guy who would turn any conversation into a talk about conspiracy, and he would do it while leaning in really close, talking fast and unceasing, eyes wide, and sweating a lot. The book mainly reads like a stream of thought as it's not particularly organized. He doesn't build up one idea in a chapter, cement it and then use it as foundation to the next idea. It runs all over the place. He'll be talking about the Knights of Malta and then, mid paragraph, go off on an unrelated tangent for several pages on global warming before coming back to his main point of the original paragraph.
I settled on page 72 for a discussion because it touched on several topics that I had already read about recently. Since the actual facts of the topic were still in my mind, I was dumfounded by the sheer amount of bullshit on just one page. Let's dive right in, shall we?
Cooper claims that Plato was entombed in a pyramid (which one, cooper never says) as part of his initiation into ancient Egyptian mystical rites. How he knows this is not mentioned. Cooper doesn't even mention "They" or "researchers" or any of the other BS "sources" we all wish we could have used in school. He just asserts it. Historically, we think Plato was in Egypt at some point during the years he traveled, but we don't know anything else. How Cooper knows his was entombed for three days in a pyramid as part of a secret initiation is never revealed.
Cooper next explains that "according to many" (there's the BS copout for sources), the pyramids were built to commemorate and observe a supernova that occurred in 4,000 BC. There is so much wrong with this statement that you could write articles on it alone. First, the pyramids in Egypt were built as tombs. The Egyptians also built them, if the radio carbon tests are true, from a period starting around 2770 BC to about 1640 BC, roughly. So, to commemorate this supernova, they didn't build anything for 1300 years. But once they started, they build these things to observe this supernova, now long gone from view, and continued to build them for THIS supernova observation for over a thousand years. Nevermind that there have been, historically, other supernova that have been seen since then, it HAD to be this one that happened EXACTLY in 4000 BC!! We know this because…. He's William Cooper, damnit!
In actuality the oldest supernova mankind has recorded was observed in 185 AD, supernova SN 185.
Anyway, this 4000 year is VERY IMPORTANT, because you see, Freemasons count years by the 'year of light', which you get by adding 4000 to the current year. Why 4000? Why, because of this supernova of course!
Trouble is, there are a LOT of issues with that date. CP 1919, which is the pulsar that exists in the position that Cooper is claiming the supernova sits it. It was, as he mentions (one of the only times he's not totally full of shit), the first pulsar to be recorded. However, we're not sure how old it is. The nova fragment that is around the pulsar could be about 50,000 years old, according to British Cosmologists who have been studying it. Also, the pulsar itself may be deceptive in its period, which means…. We have no real idea exactly how old it is. So, Cooper has no evidence.
Another problem is that Masonic calendar. Cooper is trying to infer that this supernova is the basis for the "year zero" for the Freemasons. In actuality, Freemasonry's use of 4000 has a much more generic source: the Ancient Jewish calendar and how they figure the beginning of creation. So, again, Cooper is busted. It's a lot like how retarded modern atheists love to say "Christmas is celebrated on December 25 because Christianity is just a warmed over worship of the Roman sun god!" when, in reality, Sol Invictus postdates Christianity by a couple hundred years and the only reason Christmas is on December 25 is for the very boring reason that it is nine months after March 25.
Ok, I realize that's all pretty boring, but I PROMISE we're getting to the good stuff.
Now Cooper explains there is some prophecy that the same star that exploded in the area of the sky that CP 1919 sits in will be seen again, in the Masonic year 6000, aka 2000 AD. Yes I see you saying "But wait, I don't remember..." but just wait, it gets better.
Now Freemasons know you can't make a pulsar go nova, so they're going to INVENT a nova! How you ask? Easy. Enter the Galileo probe and "Project Lucifer".
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| "I am the devil! Fear my mass spectrometer!!" |
The Galileo program was a probe sent to Jupiter years ago. It did some amazing stuff, including some research about potential life on Europa. BUT, according to Cooper, the REAL purpose of the Galileo probe was to carry it's approximately 50 pound nuclear power source into the core of the planet Jupiter and, when the enormous pressure was applied, detonate and jumpstart Jupiter as a new star! This would be the fulfillment of the prophecy and would been seen as a miracle by all, killing millions and ushering in the time of the AntiChrist in the Year 2000!!! Huzzah!!! And Cooper knew all of this because he saw random secret files while he worked in 'Naval Intelligence'.
If part of that seems vaguely familiar, it's because you probably saw the movie 2010 based on the work of Arthur C. Clarke. The difference in the story is that Clarke was not a raving idiot.
Aside from never happening, there are a few minor things that make Cooper's narrative untenable, things like, oh, the laws of physics.
Jupiter is actually viewed as a 'failed star', in that it has many of the qualities that would make up a possible star. What is keeping it just a gas giant and not an enormous nuclear furnace is not that someone hasn't lit a match there yet, but lack of mass. You see, you can detonate all the nukes you want on Jupiter, but you won't start anything. Without an enormous increase in the total mass of the planet, there is nowhere near enough pressure to initiate nuclear fusion of anything, which is what makes a star do what it does.
Again, this is physics, and physics that really isn't that complicated.
So, in addition to not happening, Cooper's sycophants are left with a serious dilemma. Either A, Cooper is full of shit and this was never actually a plan or, B, the most powerful, wealthy conspiracy in the history of mankind, who control or have access to the brightest minds our world has ever known in our entire history, was too colossally stupid to see a glaring flaw in their plan that could have been recognized by anyone who took astronomy in high school and or any physics in college.
And that's the rub, conspiracy nuts: Either your lord and savior William Cooper was a retard, or the Conspiracy you fear so much is more dumb and inept than Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget. Which is it?
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